


please don't leave me

by cptnjvnes



Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, im sorry, rowan is a bit of a dick, wrote this instead of sleeping
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:14:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27995100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cptnjvnes/pseuds/cptnjvnes
Summary: Aelin just found out some news that will change their lives. What happens when Rowan takes it badly, leaving her feeling hurt and alone in the process?
Relationships: Aedion Ashryver & Aelin Ashryver Galathynius | Celaena Sardothien, Aedion Ashryver/Lysandra, Aelin Ashryver Galathynius | Celaena Sardothien/Rowan Whitethorn, Lysandra & Aelin Ashryver Galathynius | Celeana Sardothien
Comments: 15
Kudos: 59





	1. i need you, please.

**Author's Note:**

> hello lovesss! i've always been a fan of sjm and had this prompt in my head for awhile now - so i wrote it instead of sleeping. whoopsies. anyways, i hope u enjoy this even tho it's a lil short, ily! <3

Aelin sat on the edge of the bed, processing the news that she just learned from the royal healer. Though, it’ll be more accurate to say that it just confirmed what she suspected.

Fuck.

How the hell was she going to tell Rowan? Even if she did want to stall it, he was going to smell the new scent on her as soon as he got back.

He was currently away with Aedion and Fenrys on a trip to meet with the lords for some court duties.

He had been gone away for 2 weeks now and in the last week, the sickness had started to kick in.

And it was bad. Like, _bad._

Lysandra even had to check on her multiple times in a day. The shifter did have her suspicions, but said nothing about it.

For that? Aelin was eternally grateful. She was already stressed from all the throwing up and headaches, she did not feel like discussing about it to add on to the the list.

She could barely keep her breakfast, much less her dinner. She was only able to get out of bed for a few hours at a time before feeling like a fainting spell would come over.

She loved her baby already with her entire heart, truly. She would do anything to protect the bean from any harm’s way. But seriously, it was torture at the moment.

Aelin has decided to keep it to herself for now. The next person that she feels gets to know is Rowan.

She loved her friends dearly, but it felt wrong if others got to know before he did. He was, after all, the father of this child.

Laying on the bed, she pulled the covers closer to her face. It was another one of the slow days for her and honestly? She didn’t want to deal with anyone or anything.

The one thing that was pestering her was Rowan’s impending reaction. She knew his past with Lyria, she understood him truly. But what if he took this badly?

What if he didn’t want this child? What if he didn’t want her anymore?

This could all go so badly, but Aelin decided not to think about it at the moment.

She was just about to close her eyes to rest when she could smell a distinctive scent.

Pine and snow. He was back.

Quickly, she threw the covers off and lighted all the scented candles that they had in their room with a quick flick of the wrist. 

That already sent a wave of nausea rolling through her. Straight to the bathroom she go, locking it.

//

Rowan shifted from his hawk form and landed on the balcony of their room. Opening the door, he was immediately attacked by the strong smell of the candles.

Then he heard Aelin emptying what must have been last night’s dinner. It seems like the sickness she had written to him in her letters hasn’t gone away.

“Fireheart?” He asked, knocking on the door. He heard Aelin scrambling around before the door was swung open.

“Buzzard!” He wasn’t able to get a proper look on her unusually pale face before he was tackled into a hug, her legs swinging around his hips.

He let out a low rumble from his throat as he chuckled. Gods, he had missed her.

He hid his head in her neck, overjoyed to have her in his arms again.

Then it hit him.

An entirely new scent that wasn’t here before he left. A very faint sweet smell. The only time he has smelled something like this was when Lyria-

_No._

Aelin must have felt him stiffen because she pulled away with a worried expression.

“Rowan?” She asked in a small, vulnerable voice. Something that sounds so unlike his Fireheart.

He looked down on her, pulling away further as he sat on the bed facing her, his expression impassive.

No. It can’t be true. Can it?

//

Even after decades of fighting and staring death in the face almost every time, no fear has ever compared to this.

Rowan’s face was so unreadable, his eyes cold. He looked like the heartless warrior she met so many years ago in Wendlyn.

She felt her heart thundering her chest. This was all going so wrong. 

In a perfect life, he would be scooping her up in his arms, kissing her endlessly with a big grin on his face.

But no, this was not it.

He wasn’t even making an effort to simply look at her.

Sighing, she build up the courage and met his eyes and tried to reach for his hands. “I’m with child. Though, I know you already know that but-“

She felt the weight of the bed lift and watched as Rowan walked away, slamming the door.

Sitting there, she covered herself with the soft duvets as her mind raced. The soft duvets that smelled so much like him.

He _left_ her, just like that.

She covered her mouth and squeezed her eyes shut to avoid a scream from erupting.

She couldn’t help the sobs that escaped her though, but could you blame her?

And so, that is how Aelin Galathynius, who was scared to death at the moment, found herself crying on her bed without her love at her side to comfort her.


	2. stay.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few weeks pass by, but it seems like the tension still hasn’t eased between the queen and her king.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here’s part 2! i didn’t expect the love from the previous chapter but it is so so greatly appreciated <3 i think u would have noticed that the chapter count increased aH hehe - hope u enjoy this oneee xx

As the sobs wrecked through her body, she tried to keep them as soft as possible.

But it wasn’t long before Lysandra came through the door, a tray of food on her hand.

“Good morning, Aelin dearest. How are you feeling this morning? Has the sickness subside?” She asked cheerfully, putting the tray down with a smile until she saw her tear stained cheeks. 

“Oh, Aelin! What happened? Tell me what’s wrong..” She was at her friend’s side in a heartbeat, holding her close as Aelin finally let the tears go, not trying to hold them back anymore.

She managed to compose herself for a few moments as she looked at Lysandra.

“Lys, I’m pregnant. I-I told Rowan.” She shook her head as she look down. “He didn’t say anything, didn’t even look at my face. Slammed the door and left.”

“He did _what?_ ” A new voice all but yelled. Looking up, she saw that Aedion was standing at the front of the room, his face fuming with rage.

“It’s fine, calm down Aedi-“

“Calm down? Cousin, he left you! In a state like this! This is unacceptable.” Aelin saw him turning on his heel, ready to give Rowan a piece of his mind.

Quickly, she called out. “Please don’t leave! I need you guys here...”

God, what was happening to her? If her foes saw her like this, they would have the laugh of their lives.

Just like Lysandra, Aedion was at her side in a heartbeat.

Looking over at Lysandra, she realised the shifter had gone silent. Looking as if she was trying to reign in her anger.

Aelin couldn’t help but the slight chuckle that escaped her. She really did love her friends dearly.

“It’s okay, really. As long as I have you guys, I think I’ll survive.” She tried to smirk, but she thinks it came out as a nervous smile instead.

Lysandra pulled her into a tight hug. “We’ll never leave you. Never.”

And so they stayed that way for a couple moments, talking about the baby, talking about her, they even talked about Lysandra and Aedion’s blooming relationship to lighten the mood.

The look on their faces and the blush that crept on their cheeks was enough to send Aelin cackling despite herself.

//

Rowan paced the hallways. He left her. How could have left her just like that? In that state. Had he not learn his lesson from Lyria?

_Gods, why was he so stupid?_

He had to go back. He had to. What if something happened to her? Shit, shit, shit.

As fast as his legs could carry him, he rushed to their room. But as he was reaching, he saw Aedion leave the room.

When he turned to face him, he saw the Wolf’s face hardened. Before he know it, Rowan’s jaw was connected with his fist.

He grunted, stumbling backwards a little.

“You may be my king, my closest friend, and someone I consider a brother, Rowan.” He sneered. “But for this you deserve more than just a fist to your face.”

Rowan held the stare of Aedion’s cold eyes.

“If anything happens to Aelin, _anything_ , I will never forgive you.”

With that, he walked away, leaving Rowan with a bruised jaw.

Next he saw Lysandra leave the room. The shifter starred him down, her eyes just as cold as her partner’s.

“You fucked up.” Her face seemed to read as before she walked away.

He sighed. They were right, he really did deserve more than just getting punched, and he more than fucked up.

He knocked on the door, entering when he didn’t find it locked.

“Fireheart?”

“Get out.” A hoarse voice supplied in response.

Taking more steps further into the room, he saw Aelin sitting on the edge of the bed, back facing him as she held a book in her hand.

Rowan sighed and sat next to her, “Aelin I’m sorry. I-“

Before he could finish his sentance, she was up again and crossing the room. He saw that even that simple gesture was enough to have her sway in her place a little.

“Is there something wrong with your hearing? I told you to get out.”

He opened his mouth to speak, but it was quickly shut down again.

“You want to know why? That was where you clearly went when I told you the news. You didn’t even talk to me, didn’t hold my hand, _Gods Rowan_ , you didn’t even look me in the eye.” Finally, she turned around to face him.

Her pale face and the dark circles under her eyes pained him.

“I get your past with Lyria, I do. That didn’t give you the right to walk out on me. To walk out on our child!”

Rowan looked down, ashamed. He walked over towards her, reaching out his arms to hold her close but she immediately moved further away. 

“Don’t touch me, or I swear I will burn your hands off.” She met him in the eyes and the pain that was swimming in them hit him in the gut.

“Aelin, I’m sorry. It was wrong of me to walk out like that. Forgive me, please.” he pleaded, reaching out for her hands again but she only shook her head and walked out of the room.

//

That was how it went for a few weeks. Rowan trying his best to show that he wants to be there for her, but Aelin ignoring him all the same.

In her opinion, she had every right to. He walked out on her.

Yeah, it hurt but Aelin being Aelin, she had too much pride to cave in. Anyways, she was still pretty pissed and upset.

She was lounging in the castle library with Aedion, Lys and even Dorian. He had come to visit, hearing the wonderful news.

Choal and Yrene even decided to stay for a few weeks too in case anything happened. They even planned on buying an estate in Terrassen.

“And then Manon hogged the blankets all week because my powers went a little out of control.” Dorian finished, munching on some bread.

Aelin chuckled, shaking her head as she flipped a page.

She knew Rowan was outside the library door. He was always near her, even when she repeatedly rolled her eyes and ignored him.

That was when it happened. A sharp pain in her lower abdomen that feels like a sword was slowly slicing into her.

Dropping the book, both hands flew to the pain as it got worse.

Dorian and Aedion stood up while Lys straightened.

“Aelin?” Lys reached out and held her hand, letting her squeeze it.

“Something’s wrong-” she grunted out, her vision going blurry. She heard Aedion’s faint shouting. “Rowan..” she called out meekly, tugging on their bond as she fell more and more into Lys’ embrace.

There was the loud booming of the door opening and another burst of chaos.

She felt strong, muscled arms lift her up bridal style as staying awake became a work of effort.

Whimpering as another pang of pain hit her, she nuzzled closer to the body as if to hide away from it.

She then realised the one that was carrying her was Rowan. All anger and distress seemed to fizzled away as she found comfort in her mate once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooo we left off on a lil angsty note eh? i’ll fix it i promiseeee! hope u enjoy this one, ilyy <3


	3. i'll never leave you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "a reminder that all sins can be forgiven when someone loves you." - killian jones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's the final paaaart! i won't spoil anything for u babes but i hope u enjoy it <3 don't hate me too much yet ;)

Rowan rushed to their room, Aelin in his arms. He was not going to let this happen again. He cannot lose her, lose them.

He gently set Aelin on the bed, pulling back, he saw this his arms were stained with blood.

_No._

“YRENE!” He yelled out frantically, his voice booming across the castle halls.

She came rushing in after that, her face steady and professional, but that didn’t hide the worry in her eyes.

“I suggest you step outside with the rest. I need to focus on healing the queen.”

She advised as she moved closer to Aelin hurriedly, the blood on the sheets starting to spread.

Rowan swore his heart almost stop at the sight in front of him. Too much blood. He needed them both to survive. He wouldn’t forgive himself otherwise.

“No! I made that mistake once. I’m not going to do it again. Please let me stay with her.” His last sentence was said with a softer voice, genuinely worried that Yrene wouldn’t let him stay in the room.

She gave a slight nod as she put her hands on Aelin’s abdomen, using her gifts to heal the damage that was done in the womb.

Rowan could only kneel at the side of the bed, holding onto her hand, and prayed that the gods would be in their favour, that she and the baby would be alright.

He tugged on their bond, trying to hold on to her heartbeat to keep him from falling apart.

In their bond, he could now also hear a faint heartbeat. One that he intends to protect with his life, just as he does with his mate.

He heard Yrene curse, her face full of concentration.

“Come on fireheart, please hold on. For all of us.” He pleaded. 

Realistically, he knew Aelin would most likely survive and hopefully the baby too. But that didn’t ease his worries, especially not after seeing the amount of blood on the sheets.

It was enough to send his nerves racing.

“If you keep muttering in my ear and through the bond, buzzard, I might just want to stay asleep forever.” A soft voice chuckled weakly.

Rowan’s head shot up to see a small smile on Aelin’s face, her eyes closed.

He stood there speechless for a second before immediately engulfing her into a hug, mindful not to hurt her.

“Careful, your majesty. She still needs her rest and it’s best not to have you crushing on her.” Yrene chuckled, shaking her head despite the tense situation just moments ago.

Of course, Aelin practically ignored the whole resting bit and tried to sit up. Her face contorted with pain and a wince escape her.

“Take it easy, fireheart.” He said worriedly, gently helping her up so she doesn’t over exert herself. He then sat next to her, holding her hand.

One in which she squeezes back, and Rowan felt heart ease.

“He’s right, you should take it easy, especially for the next week or so.” The healer said, directing to Aelin.

As if sensing the question on their faces, Yrene continued. 

“This happened because of what I can safely assume of your very high stress levels. A few minutes late and I might have not been able to save it. I know you have your duties, but this baby needs you too at this moment.” 

Rowan saw the guilt on washing over his love’s face as she looked down, trying to avoid everyone’s gaze.

Gently, he cupped her cheeks and placed a kiss to her nose.

“You’re not alone, you’ll never be. I swear on my life, I won’t let anything happen to you, or our child. I’ll make sure everything goes smoothly.” He promises.

He saw her eyes glaze over before she nuzzled into his chest, hiding her face as soft sobs escaped her.

Turning over to the healer, he gave a nod of thanks as she left the room, leaving the two alone.

//

There was no where else Aelin wished to be except in Rowan’s arms at this moment.

Sure, the cramps were still there, and she felt her energy draining by the minute, she was still more than thankful to whoever was looking out for them that her child, their child, was still alive and growing inside of her.

“Aelin? Love, shh shh shh.” He held her close, kissing her head as she realised her tears hadn’t stopped flowing.

Pulling away, she chuckled a little and wiped them away. “I’m sorry. It’s the hormones. I was just thinking of how lucky we were to still have this little miracle.” She said, shifting her hands to her belly, which had the smallest beginnings of a bump.

Aelin felt his gaze and turning to look at him, he had a stupidly cute grin on his face.

Rolling her eyes, she turned to look down at her belly again, absent-mindedly running a gentle hand over it.

A few moments later, she felt Rowan’s calloused hand taking hers into his.

“Fireheart, I would like to apologise to you again. What I did was wrong and stupid. Yes, my past with what happened to Lyria still scares me and the scars still sting, but that gave me no right to walk out on you.” 

He pressed a kiss to her hand.

“I want you to know that I’m never leaving, that I love you and our little firebird. I’d go to the end of the world for you both. Forgive me?”

“Little firebird?” Aelin asked, her voice cracking as she felt another wave of emotions crashing her.

“Yes, my love. Little firebird.” He confirmed, a proud smile once again taking over his face. “She will be loved dearly by us, and the rest of our family.” He said proudly.

“She? How would you know our baby is going to be a girl? For all we know, it could be a boy, what is what I am totally betting on by the way.” 

“Betting on my niece so early?” Aedion’s muffled voice said from behind the door as he clicked his tongue. “I expected better from you two.”

“Ignore him. My godson would be so offended when he hears that you thought he was a girl.” came Lysandra’s voice next after a smack could be heard.

Which Aelin could only assume that was Lys slamming her cousin’s chest.

Laughing, she hid her face in Rowan’s chest once more as she shook her head.

“Enough snooping the two of you.” was her mate’s gruff reply. He clearly wasn’t as entertained as she was.

She scoffed. _Territorial fae bastard._

“Hey, play nice buzzard. They’re just playing around.” She said, placing her hand on his cheek, his eyes softening.

But she still saw the question swimming in them.

Placing a long kiss to his lips, she rested her head on his, as his hand rested on her belly. “I forgive you, Rowan. I hope you’ll excuse me being a little emotional these weeks though. As well as the coming months.”

“As long as you’re safe and happy, that’s all I could ever wish for.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we've reached the enddd! i sincerely thank u all for the kudos and the comments, it makes my heart so happy. i mAY release an epilogue if u loves want but we'll see how that goes hehe - ilyyy! <33


	4. epilogue I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hellooo! here's the epilogue that i have been working on. i didn't mean to split it into two, but the storyline didn't fit well if i had squeezed everything into this chapter (plus i get to keep y'all on the edge of your seats HEHE) - hope u enjoy this one loves! <3

Aelin loved Rowan with all her heart, she really did. But he was acting like she was some doll ready to break at a moments notice.

To make matters worse, Aedion was almost just as protective, but just notched down a little.

Yeah, it all seems nice at first to know that her mate and cousin are worried for you and have your back no matter what.

But Gods, they were _insufferable._

Especially Rowan. He would practically snarl when anyone got too close to her.

By anyone, she means anyone.

A guard nearly lost his head the other day simply for greeting her a good morning the other day.

These couple of months have been a turmoil of emotions. She was a mess, but Rowan never left her side. Just as he had promised.

Her friends, family more like, were all there for here as well. Yrene and Choal have decided to stay in Terresen.

Aelin had a high-risk pregnancy, and they didn’t want to take any chances. Her powers, combined with the baby’s also tend to drain her energy. She couldn’t last the day without at least one nap.

Rowan would ensure she took one anyways, even if she wasn’t feeling tired. 

Now well into her 8th month, Aelin was uncomfortably pregnant and she apparently had a mother hen hovering above her.

Though, she would be lying if she said it wasn’t one of the most adorable things she had seen him do.

Especially when he’s talking to their little firebird - who he still insists is a girl. She also still thinks otherwise.

“Aelin, have you drank enough water today? The healer said you should have plenty of fluids throughout the day.”

She sighed, looking up at him. “Yes, Ro, I have. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to finish rearranging these books. Dorian never puts them in the correct order again.”

“You shouldn’t do that. It isn’t good to overexert yourself, especially when you’re not this far into the-“

“Rowan!” She snapped, the stress of the day catching up to her. It seems like his non stop talking, no matter how much she loves it and finds it adorable, seems to be the last straw.

She turned to him, her eyes softening. “I am fine, our little firebird's fine. I will not do anything that could potentially put them in harms away.”

Rowan sighed, wrapping his arms around her wait, his arms going to her swollen belly.

“I know, and I know you know how to take care of yourself. But I just don’t want anything to happen to you. You heard Yrene, she said that this is high-risk.” He said, worry creeping into his voice.

Aelin craned her neck and kiss the corner of his lips. “We’ll be fine.”

He seemed to study her face for a few moments before he nodded. “Alright, I’ll back off. Just a little.”

She giggled. _Giggled_. This child was doing things to her.

Tiptoeing, she kissed his nose. “Territorial.” 

Then his cheeks. “Fae.”

Then his lips. “Buzzard.”

Rowan smirked, “Oh, but you love it though.”

//

Sounds of sword clashing ringed in his ear, sweat trickling down his face as his arms grew tired.

“You’re out of shape, old man.” 

“Shut up, Aedion.” He shot back, dodging to the right before the sword was able to nick him.

Somehow, Aelin has mananged to convince him to continue his sparring training.

And inevitably being away from her.

_“Oh, stop overreacting. I’ll be at the side with Lysandra.” She had brushed off when he started to protest._

Sighing, he gave in. There was no fighting Aelin when she has her mind set up on something anyway.

He and Aedion had be sparring for what was nearly an hour, neither wanting to back down.

Feeling a sharp pain slicing across his abdomen, Rowan looked down, wondering when had the sword hit him.

To his surprise, there was no wound.

To his horror though, he quickly realised what was happening.

Aelin. Her pain was travelling through the bonds.

Whipping his head to the direction where Lysandra and her were sitting, he saw that she was holding on tightly to her friend’s hand as her eyes were squeezed shut.

Dropping the sword, he ran quickly to his mate, practically dropping to his knees beside her.

“What’s wrong? Is it time? Are you okay? How far apart are they? She’s early, is that bad?”

Despite herself, Aelin laughed.

“I’m fine, Ro. Yrene has said that firstborns tend to be earlier. It hurt like a bitch but it’s passed. I think it’s best if I don’t have the baby outside of the sparring ring though.” She remarked, in which Rowan hurriedly helped her up.

Slowly, he guide her to their room, Aedion sending for Yrene.

//

Rowan doesn’t think he has felt this much fear in his life. His mate and child’s life being on the line, he wished he could something, anything, to ease the pain and lower the risks.

Unfortunately, he couldn’t do anything.

The only thing he could do was hold Aelin’s hand, brushing her hair away from her forehead and whisper words of encouragement to aid her.

Pressing a kiss to her forehead, he looked up for a moment to see Yrene’s face of distress. His mate seemed to have noticed it too.

“Yrene, what’s wrong?” She managed to convey before another wave of pain rippled through her, making her close her eyes and lean into Rowan.

“Nothing, your majesty. Focus on your breathing and relax until your next contraction.” The healer supplied, but he knew something was wrong.

The blood. There was too much blood.

His mind flashed back to the night at the library, where he almost lost them. 

He often had nightmares after, the type where it would plague his nights endlessly. Dreams, maybe even visions where he his mate and child would leave him.

“Something’s not right...” Aelin grunted out. “Rowan, what’s happening?” she looked up at him, her eyelids heavy as she struggled to stay awake.

He struggled to find the words to answer. “Everything’s fine, my love. Stay awake for me, yeah?”

“She’s haemorrhaging badly. I need to deliver the baby.” Yrene looked at him, as if asking for permission.

“What are you waiting for, then? Deliver the child!” He replied, his voice harsher then he intended. He didn’t mean to, but seeing his love like that drew all logic away from his brain.

“I cannot promise Aelin would survive.” She said in a hushed voice, hurt dripping in them even with such a professional mindset.

Rowan chocked on his words, not able to find his voice.

“Save the baby.” came a weak voice from beside him. He looked down to see Aelin straining her neck a little, looking at the healer.

“Fireheart, no!” He begged. He cannot stand the thought of losing her. Or the baby. There had to be some other way.

“You know there isn’t, Ro. Save the baby, please Yrene.” She said, as if reading his mind. She only managed to say the last sentence before a scream rumbled from her throat, pain coursing through her once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they never get a break, do they? PLEASE DON'T KILL MEEE


End file.
